Volume 2:
Warmth and High Expectations
Everyone wants the best for their children. You can dramatically improve the mental health of your child by combing warmth and high, but reasonable, expectations.
Warmth is expressed by being supportive, helpful, and loving towards your child. Low warmth is shown by lack of interest, coldness, harshness or anger. I am sure you can give examples of different levels on the warmth-coldness continuum. Expectations refer to having high standards, expecting that your child will or should accomplish things. Low warmth reduces a child’s positive feelings about themselves. High warmth increases confidence and motivation. Expectations can be too high if the expectation is beyond the child’s current capabilities. Low expectations do not challenge the child to do better.
The table shows examples of high and low warmth and expectations:
High warmth + High expectations is called Authoritative Parenting. High warmth and low expectations refers to Permissive parenting. Low warmth and low expectations results in Authoritarian Parenting. Low warmth and low expectations is Neglectful parenting. Decades of research on parenting have confirmed that high warmth and high expectations is more likely to result in children who are confident and capable, who manage their emotions and have less anxiety.
Let’s look at some examples.
Ian, age 7, has had difficulty with reading, his mother helps him with his reading homework. She criticizes him when he doesn’t read perfectly. Criticism is low warmth. Perfect reading is too high an expectation for Ivan as he has trouble reading. Ian shuts down because of the criticism. It doesn’t inspire him to learn.
Emma, age 12, talks a lot and has a hard time sitting still, her father kindly asks her about her day at supper, takes interest in what she says and thanks her. Svitlana has difficulty stopping her chatter. He ignores her chatter and fidgeting. He moves on to asking her brother about his day. When Svitlana calms herself a bit, her father turns his attention to her again. Emma’s father is high on warmth and high on expectations. He wisely ignores Emma’s chatter and fidgeting.
Liam, age 5, is a clumsy child. He spills his milk. His father tells him to clean it up. Father’s voice is harsh and impatient. Cleaning up his spilt milk is high expectations and it is reasonable for a 5 year old to clean up spilt milk. Liam’s father’s harshness and impatience are low warmth.
Sophia, age 11, loses her notebook on the school bus. Her mother scowls and says “Never mind, you always lose your notebooks.” “Here is another one.” Sophia’s mother has low expectations for Sophia to manage her school notebooks. Just giving her another notebook is a low expectation. Scowling and saying she always loses notebooks is low warmth.
Some parents don’t realize that these two factors are independent. Warmth and expectations are not related. One can have high expectations and high warmth or low warmth. Expectations and warmth are not the only factors in children’s mental health, but these two factors play an important role.
Use “High warmth and high expectations” to help you in all your dealings with your kids.
Just One Small Thing for Your Mental Health is a series of insightful blog posts by Dr. Patrick McGrath, a seasoned clinical psychologist at CMAP Health. With a wealth of experience treating both children and adults, Prof. McGrath is a highly regarded clinical researcher and mental health expert. Recognized for his groundbreaking work, he has been honored with the prestigious Order of Canada and numerous awards for his leadership, innovation, and research contributions.